There aren’t enough good single men around there in New York City. In fact, that’s what everyone says to us. And when Deanna* moved to the city towards the end of 2021 it was her turn to test if any truth to this assertion. Being single since her three-year boyfriend separated from her through Snapchat, Deanna joined Hinge and Tinder. It was at this time that a private Facebook page known as Are You Dating The Same Guy NYC came up as a recommended follow. The group included a strict prescreen survey and community guidelines that served as a barrier for entry. The group was nearly 43,000 strong. Deanna was intrigued, so she enrolled.
The community
The group was formed with the purpose of helping women find out if their romantic prospects were seeing the wrong people-was founded in the month of March 2022. A majority of the major US city has a similar group now, and the rules for everyone are clear: Anyone can be anonymous, not doxxing or releasing sensitive information and under no circumstances should screen captures be removed from the community. There is no harassment, no blame-shifting and no hate speech. Do not tell someone that you’ve been included in the group. Following the scandal in the wake of West Elm Caleb, an individual with whom many women in New York shared negative dating experiences and made connections online, it became apparent that lots of women were searching for a method to search out the other guys who shared similar experiences.read about it datingfortodaysman.com from Our Articles One TikTok user commented about the situation This is why we need an app where we can leave reviews of guys we’ve dated on Hinge.
This is essentially what the group had turned into as of the time Deanna joined. Every iteration of Are We Dating the Same Guy serves as a gathering site for women seeking advice on their relationship or provide advice on men whom they’ve experienced bad dating experiences. Loyalty-testing long-term boyfriends-that is, using out other women to attract them on social media sites has also become very common. It’s easy to slip into a rabbit tunnel of screenshots of Hinge profiles, stories of hookups gone wrong, and a plethora of memes describing the pitfalls of modern dating. The most well-known posts feature images of a guy with his first name, asking who has matched or dated the person who is the person in question. The emojis in red are a common display on small but alarming posts warning of an ex or bad encounter frequently accompanied by a downward arrow as well as the alarming wording See comments for more info.
Dating online has taken over our dating options in recent times, with one recent study finding that almost 39 percent of heterosexual couples found their loved ones online. So it makes sense that the social aspect of romance could be adapted to the modern age. Instead, of sitting with some of our friends at a bar or discussing issues with colleagues, we are seeking advice from four thousand women who are experiencing similar-and sometimes, the exact same-experiences.
It’s demystified this idea that dating is easier for some women than it is for others, says Ellie who is a group member. Not to imply that there’s no advantages however, it was helpful for me in terms of changing my understanding of dating. It’s certainly not a battle among women. It’s it is holding men to a greater expectation than I was previously.
It’s not lost on me that certain behaviors that’s facilitated and promoted in Are We the Dating the Same Guy could be to be considered a red flag by potential partners. Photos, photos of private discussions, and screenshots posted without consent or knowledge are numerous. People look up social media profiles on a regular basis. And it doesn’t take much to have a relationship into the spotlight. Although Deanna likes being part of the group, she’s got some reservations. Sometimes you see people posting ‘If he wanted to, he would’ about paying for things or picking you up in an Uber, she claims. But I believe you’ll come across the problem that it can become this echo chamber where men have repeatedly pushed us all day, we’re going to give it back.
Today, we live in an unjust society
Our society is still an oppressive society. Until we’re truly equal in our online interactions, they will differ in the reverberations based upon the individual’s background. Still, can a such a group really be conscious empowerment on one side of the spectrum and an abominable violence in the cell on another? Are We All Dating the Same Guy? The same guy is hyperlocal and inter-personal, but only for those who live, and even date within the city that the group is located in. The women and men they write about could be your neighbour your coworker, friend relative, or perhaps your most recent Hinge match. But there’s a lack of personalization which comes with using the internet, making everything feel like an online game. It’s no stretch for me to say this is in opposition for the participants in both groups-especially when the details of private chats, private messages and even photographs are being shared without their approval or consent. Sometimes, it’s as a means of entertainment.